ootd - saturday, november 30, 2013
tank: lane bryant
skirt: asos curve
spent the day in LA with my friend Michelle eating lots of food and buying korean face masks. I got really tired and grouchy halfway late afternoon. I was sweaty and uncomfortable in my jacket but didn’t feel comfortable taking it off. walking through little tokyo a panhandler asked us for money. when neither of us responded, he told me, “better stop eating so much”.
I’ve experienced fatphobia on many different levels: personal, familial, institutional. It’s usually perpetrated by people I know and passive aggressively. I can read it in the disapproving looks from white strangers I’m surrounded by in utah and it doesn’t make much impact. today, hearing it from a middle aged black man, with my tall, slender asian friend as a silent witness, I felt vulnerable and ashamed and worthless. I know poc can be just as hateful and cruel as white folks but it hurts in a completely different way. to be in a city with so many people of color, especially asians, and to be one of the only fat people, made me very aware of my visibility as a fat, non normative asian woman. It makes me tired and sad and angry and jealous. the hardness resonates in the tenderest part of myself, the part I work so hard at protecting, and I am paralyzed by it all.